Did you know that bisexuality is fake? There is no such thing as being bisexual. Personally I don’t like the oppressive labels that most of our society uses anyway but let me tell you a little story on how I found out that I was “wrong” about being bisexual. I have a husband that I have been with for eight long years. I have three children including a 12 year old from a previous relationship when I was a teenager. I would probably do some pretty bad things for the chance to do some pretty bad things to Taylor Kitsch, Sebastian Stan, Jonathon Toews, or Sidney Crosby. That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t do the same thing (maybe not the exact same things though hockey player butts…yeah, you get what I mean) to Angelina Jolie or Fairuza Balk. The fact that I am married to a man now does not diminish the love that I felt for the girl I wanted to marry. It doesn’t take away any of the affection that I showed past girlfriends. But no. I couldn’t possibly be bisexual. Sexuality is a ‘choice’ afterall and obviously I chose to be a straight woman when I married my husband. Obviously. I do hope you notice the intense sarcasm there.
I was floored when I was a teenager and I was told by my cousin that it wasn’t possible for me to like girls and boys. I was demolished when I was 12 and I was never asked back to my local church lock-ins because I told a girl that I thought I may like girls but that I still loved Jonathan Taylor Thomas. My cousin told me that I made the other girls uncomfortable by liking girls. I never went back to church. Being from the Bible Belt, I have always had the religion issue over my head. My mother even said it was a ‘phase’ back then. That didn’t stop her from not letting girls spend the night after I was caught in the shower (in our bathing suits I swear!) with a girl from down the street. My family just pretended like it wasn’t happening and friends of the family have given many lectures on how gays are ruining the world and are all going to hell. I have had people come to my past girlfriend and I and tell us that the church could help us with our ‘condition’.
Not too long ago I was reading a Facebook post by a lesbian blogger I know and I was completely shocked when she said she didn’t believe in bisexuals. This blogger campaigns for better treatment of gays that want to adopt. She regularly writes posts on her experiences with prejudice against lesbians. She doesn’t believe in bisexuals? Wow. I have participated in her campaigns. I have helped her raise money for her local GLBT events. I have written letters with her, tweeted her posts, commented on her articles, spread her message to real life friends, and I truly considered her one of my heroes. I really cant explain how bad that hurt me.
I decided to search for ‘biphobia’ on tumblr. Wow. You wouldn’t believe the stuff that some people say. Please look it up. I read on this article, “Bisexuals experience high rates of being ignored, discriminated against, demonized, or rendered invisible by both the heterosexual world and the lesbian and gay communities. Often, the entire sexual orientation is branded as invalid, immoral, or irrelevant. Despite years of activism and the largest population within the LGBT community, the needs of bisexuals still go unaddressed and their very existence is still called into question.” The BINGO I found below was on several tumblr pages. It had thousands of reblogs.
So it all comes down to how could I possibly identify as bisexual when it doesn’t exist? I guess I must be magical. Like all other bisexuals I transcend existence. It’s a pretty lofty thing to aspire to.
One of my fellow September mom friends, Tiffany Wollman, said that she has experienced biphobia as well. She has been told, “You are not Bi, you’re just greedy or too easy” She responds with the awesome, “No, I just have a wonderful ability to love a person beyond their gender.” **
I asked people on my Facebook page to share their stories and most of them follow the same thoughts as what happened to Tiffany. Many of them are in committed relationships and when they tell others that they are bisexual people do not believe them because of that. Either they are too gay to be bisexual or too straight to be bisexual.
Have you had an issue with biphobia? Tell me about it in the comments or send me a message. I would love to see if it is different on different sides of the country or even in other countries.
My brother who was 19 years older than me was gay and grew up at a time with gay’s were shunned, beat up and practically stoned for their choices. It was the ‘family secret”. I’m a christian and I don’t believe gays, lesbians or bisexuals are condemned to hell, I CAN’T believe it because if I did I’d go insane. With that said, I don’t believe you can choose who to be attracted to and who to love. If you have the ability to love both male and female than own it and be proud. If you’re only attracted to one sex whether it’s the opposite or same as you then own that but people shouldn’t shun, ridicule or put others down for what happens within their hearts.
It’s not a choice.
This is a spectacular post and it’s critically important that we allow people to be who they are without fear of bodily harm, being ostracized or being told their souls are in peril.
From a recent study you can follow up on here: http://news.illinois.edu/news/11/1013teens_DorothyEspelage_JosephRobinson.html
“A little more than 7 percent of straight youth reported thinking about suicide during the prior 30 days, versus 33 percent of LGBTQ students. Bisexual youth were at especially high risk (44 percent), as were questioning youth (32 percent). Bisexual youth also were at elevated risk of suicide attempts, with more than 21 percent reporting that they had made at least one attempt during the prior year.”
It’s important that we recognize that bisexuality doesn’t put our youth in harm’s way. Our reaction to, our fear of their sexuality is what has created the peril. You have no way of knowing who may read this, it may be a parent who is worried about their kid or a kid who is thinking they are broken – you are NOT BROKEN and you are NOT GOING TO HELL – but posts like this can change the trajectories of people’s lives.
Good on ya!
You know, its like when you ask somebody straight like me when we we choose that we are straight. I couldn’t tell you. You just know. And I believe that is true for bisexuals and gays also. You are born just the way you are.
Living in Massachusetts I was raised in a community where your sexuality doesn’t matter. It’s too bad other parts of the country aren’t so open and positive about it.
I wish everywhere was like Massachusetts then. I have always lived in the South and it DEFINITELY matters here. People are pretty demanding here in the South even with religion. If you are religious then you may not be religious enough or Methodist when you should be Baptist or Catholic when you should be something else.
Trysexual
Okay, So I’ve been wondering and pondering and considering the outcomes of this type of free thinking for a spiritual person with interconnecting beliefs on how to classify myself. My LOVE. For certain people that attract my personality. Am I Gay, Straight, Bisexual? A Asexual Sponge? Why not Trysexual? I try sexual context, puns, observations, curiosities, perversions, references, jokes, honesty, permissable desires, fetishes, fantasies, emotions, positions, I Trysexual enough not to hold lust or desire at such a sinful rate or extent as most undersexual beings might manifest into their realities and actions. I have enough self control not to go out and display lack of education and moral character. Rape. When do we educate properly to stop the lack of understanding for society to continue moving forward working together rather this method of capitalism we’ve plummetted beyond our control? Now we’re all losing. Sexual preference should be based on spiritual connections and respected feelings or emotions.
Why don’t we consider normalcy of desire or fetish…..what’s with a natural opinion of decision preferred to ones own caterance?
from a open-opinion my experience has led to a much stronger psychological respect and understanding of loyalship equally distributed from both partners in a mutually educated experience…I’m undesiring miscontexted perspective perceptions flooding gossip lavishly through streams of snaked laced grapevines. though indirection isn’t abnormal. carrying on in observational experience my studious perspective has noticed the tranquil atmosphere in our marriage knowing where we will come home. we have to love another, accept ourselves for being free-willing spirits! Releasing our insecurities inside ourselves allows room for love to bloom happily throughout families. My archiving of documentation isn’t any ego extensive massive foolishness without the self-assurance of eternal happiness beginnings….relevance reflected respectively….It would be perfect for unbiased culture as well as educated loyalty and honor? When we started “swinging” we knew it was “experimenting”, but; we also had a respect for one another that was stronger than insecurities and posession. We knew: who we’d go home with, where home was had already been established, and the people we were with had open minds and understanding personalities which shared the same peculiarity. Why is it difficult to own oneself? “She’s Mine!”, “He’s Mine!”, How about “I’m Mine!”? we should be respected as individuals with inconsistent desires that waver with seasons. Go out to the bar and be allowed to freely think as an individual. “They’re cute, I wonder what it’d feel like to kiss that person”. “Look at her!”
I only see humanity saying “Can’t”. Everything else does what it Can! We might settle with one person, but it’s good to have different flavors of oatmeal every day if you get otameal every day..why can’t we have a variety in our fetished choices? If somebody can openly state wether another is attractive, desirable, cute, hot, sexy…..why can’t we all voice the opinion freely? we have differences in preference but that’s why we are all different. Why be petty? You’re supposed to “TRUST” your spouse. Do you? Would they come back home after an experimental night or swing party happy they’re still with you? Or regretting leaving? It really depends on the person you are and how you feel; if you and another “Trust” each equally….I don’t classify myself as a segregation,denomination, race, preference…..I just say Spiritual, or Trysexual!
Thank you for your reply Tyler. That is truly eye-opening. I appreciate you sharing your story with us. It is great that you are so open-minded about everything. It is something to aspire to.
This isn’t the first time I’ve read or been told that bisexuality is a myth. Personally I don’t understand the need for the argument at all. Sexuality is beautiful no matter if you’re gay, straight, bi, or transgender. It’s a gift we often impose labels and molds on. If there is no bisexual than how are there asexual humans who (for their own reasons) don’t identify sexual attraction with gender at all?
What truly bothers me is the same community members that preaches equality would deny (as you put it) bisexuals the right, not for freedom, but identity. How is it any different than when they (mainly religious groups) say homosexuality is a choice?
Great post
Not only do we exist, but we’re probably a much larger percentage of the population than most people realize. After all, the Bible says Adam AND Eve, not Adam OR Eve.
I haven’t come out to many people yet and I’m not planing on it. My grandmother thinks gays deserve to die and go to hell and I’m afraid of what she will think if she found out I was bi. I have a friend that recently found out he was asexual and I helped him with it. I am very surprised I haven’t been asked what it is like asking your friends out. It’s pretty weird asking your friends that question and your other friends know. My friends took it well though.